Quote of the Moment

"Magic comes from what is inside you. It is part of you. You can't weave together a spell you don't believe in." - Jim Butcher

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I Am Not Superwoman

Yes, I know that was a line in an episode of House this week, but to be frank, it's a cliche in the first place, and I have often thought of this phrase (especially after since having the little one) even before it was uttered to Dr. Cuddy.

There is no way I can take care of a baby full-time (one that is now crawling all over the house and needs to be watched to make sure she doesn't remove the pacifier from her mouth to insert some type of fuzz/cat hair/dirt/etc. from the floor into her mouth), keep the house picked up and clean, write every single day, exercise, read, cross-stitch (because the one I am currently working on should have been done before my daughter was born...maybe it'll be done by the time she's 16 and can comment how silly and childish it is), cook (OK, I really don't do much of this anyway - thank the gods my husband does), spend time with my family--this would include watching silly TV shows like House, spend a sliver of time on spiritual pursuits (I'd like to be a PRACTICING Wiccan one of these days), give the cats attention/brushing/teeth cleaning, keep track of all the finances, e-mail all my friends, keep up with writing forums/newsletters/magazines, work on various house projects (like finishing unpacking after 3 years of living here and going through 20 boxes worth of accumulated papers), and try to have enough downtime (i.e. vegging and playing video games) so I don't lose my sanity...oh, and sleeping...can't forget sleeping.

That might have been my worst run-on sentence to date. I'm not even sure if it's a complete sentence.

Anyway...I am not superwoman! And it's sad when I have to try to force myself to remember this and keep repeating it in my head when I don't seem to get everything done that I want to do. It's not possible to do everything, to be a million places at once. It took me half the day to clean the bathroom on Monday for goddess's sake! Seriously, the baby tried to eat little bits of carpeting like every 30 seconds...

So, what's the point of this statement and rambling? It's to point out that I'm too hard on myself when the house is a mess still, but more importantly when I don't get my writing done. I can't do it all, and that fact just doesn't want to stay drilled into my head. I'm frustrated that I can't do it all, that I can't write more without everything else in my life being neglected.

This evening, I sat on the couch watching TV, my little girl asleep on my chest. True, I could have attempted to put her down to sleep, in hopes that she wouldn't wake up right away, but I know those moments won't last--the moments where I can just hold and snuggle her. Yet I felt guilty for not putting her down to either clean or write. I hate feeling that way. I shouldn't feel that way, and the drive to need to get everything on my damn list done cripples me at times.

I'm not superwoman, I'm not superwoman, I'm not superwoman.

I shouldn't feel guilty for spending time with my daughter.

Okay...you're probably wondering what my point is again. NO, I'm not giving up writing (kind of wish I could afford a maid so I could give up cleaning, though) - if I didn't write I'd lose my sanity just as well as if I didn't unwind and relax (that year I didn't write, the yearning to tell stories hurt so much, it was almost unbearable at times). My point is mainly to vent I think, and to remind myself that even if I only succeed at a fraction of goals and only get a smidgen of things on my list completed - it's all right because I'm NOT superwoman. Some people might be able to be super-human, but not me.

With that said, I am not on track with my writing counts. Before this week, I had about 3 pages written total for the month. Happily I am up to 6 pages for this week alone, so 9 so far for the month. Yay me! Hey, it's a step for non-superwoman. This also puts me over a third into my goal for word length for Shepherd of Dreams.

I still have queries to send out, revisions to work on, stories to put back in circulation, among all of life's other duties.

I hope everyone else is having more success with finding time to write.

One more time, for good measure - I am not superwoman.

Happy writing, all!

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