Quote of the Moment

"What's Past Is Prologue." - William Shakespeare

Wednesday, July 12, 2023

Fairies - Fractured and Uncut - Excerpt

Not only is it a release day - it's a double release day!

In preparation for the Fractured Fairies collection, I revised and expanded Immortal Woes. And it's now available as a single ebook for FREE! You can snag your free copy on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Apple Books, Google Play, and Smashwords. Or for a full retailer list, take a look at Books2Read.

And then of course, I have the collection of all my current Fractured Fairies stories in Fairies - Fractured and Uncut: 7 Humorous Fantasy Tales. All of the stories have been tweaked a bit since they were originally released. The collection includes: Immortal Woes, Ode to Buses and Libraries, S.O.L. Air, Monster in the Room, A Very Grinka Christmas, Bytes Bite, And So Do Fairies, and Nymphs Need Love Too.

You can buy the ebook for Fairies - Fractured and Uncut from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Apple Books, Google Play, and Smashwords. And the full retailer list is at Books2Read. Current price is $3.99 USD.

A paperback version will be available next week from Amazon for $10.95 USD. I had a lot of fun splattering the cover art for the print version! ;)

If you read either title, please leave an honest review on your retailer of choice or at Goodreads (links: Immortal Woes and Fairies - Fractured and Uncut). Reviews help more than you can imagine!

I do have an excerpt for you, as always. This is from that new expanded version of Immortal Woes. Happy reading!

Syndago staggers around the living room, a huge hole where his face used to be. It’s not supposed to do so much damage, at least not according to all the crime shows I’ve watched. But that whole not human thing tends to come into play. Weapons wreak more havoc on immortals.

The shiny, silver handgun lies discarded on the floor. I’m not sure where he got it, and I wonder how hard it’ll be to get rid of. Maybe I’ll toss it into the Immortal World. Let the dwarves, elves, and goblins play with it.

He stumbles into an end table, and the lamp teeters. It succumbs to gravity and shatters on the ground – the true victim of this incident.

I sigh. Typically I only need to replace broken furniture after the fairies visit.

Syndago’s knees buckle, and he thuds onto his ass. His burly, thundering form shakes the entire apartment, and the windows rattle. If he still had a mouth, he’d surely be blubbering.

Poor, big lug. I miss his face, even if it has a frown affixed to it most of the time.

The crater shrinks slightly, flesh and bone regenerating. Who knows how immortals survive fatal injuries. At least half his brain is gone, if he had a whole one to begin with. Humans would kill for our secret, and Syndago would happily give himself over for experimentation if it meant finding him a cure.

Not that I’m about to give him that idea. The last thing I want is for him to succeed at his suicide attempts. And it’s best humans remain oblivious of our existence.

Maybe the wound will cause him memory loss, and he’ll forget he wants to kill himself.

Wait, no. He tried a guillotine once – it sheared his head right off. It thumped into the basket whole, thankfully no longer animated. A human-sized giant with one mouth is enough to deal with. Can you imagine a second tucked under his arm bemoaning life? I shudder at the thought.

Well, when he chopped his head off, I actually dreaded that he’d succeeded for a moment. Then the regeneration kicked in, and he grew a new head, spiky black hair and all. He remembered everything then, so he will now.

The bullet worms its way out of Syndago’s flesh and tings on the hardwood, then his face completes knitting itself back together. He struggles to his feet and slumps onto the couch, tears dripping from his reconstructed brown eyes. "Nothing works, Grinka. What am I going to do?"

Take one grouchy sea nymph, add a woeful human-sized giant, and mix in two lewd, drunken fairies.

What do you get?

An unsavory blend of immortals attempting to live together in the real world.

7 Humorous Fantasy Tales in the Fractured Fairies series, including:

Immortal Woes

Nothing like having a suicidal not-so-giant giant as a best friend. Unless you also have a couple of drunken fairy pests tormenting him about his small stature.

Grinka's the lucky sea nymph who has both. Between comforting her friend and stopping the lewd fairies from taunting him with a death powder, her temper gets the best of her.

And when it does, things explode.

Ode To Buses And Libraries

A maddening itch on the back of Grinka’s neck drives her to seek answers. Unfortunately, the information about her skin condition can only be found at the Immortal Library.

Getting to the library proves difficult, especially when riding the Immortal Express bus line. Between a lackadaisical centaur and the drunken fairy siblings, it's a wonder Grinka hasn't exploded them all.

Oh wait, she has.

S.O.L. Air

That whole “life’s a journey, not a destination” nonsense doesn’t hold water with Grinka. Especially when she books a flight to Vegas to get away from the two fairy nitwits.

She fails to consider the aquatic ramifications of a sea nymph in the air. And a chance encounter with her goblin ex-boyfriend, Hrelm, threatens to delay her even further.

Seriously, what’s it going to take for Grinka to get to Vegas and gamble away her meager savings?

Monster In The Room

What does a sea nymph do when she comes home to find a monster filling her entire living room? Find out in this bite-sized gulp of Grinka.

A Very Grinka Christmas

Grinka's main goal for Christmas: survive without celebrating a damned thing. Between playing an elf to her mopey human-sized giant friend’s Santa and contending with the fairy siblings’ holiday revelries, she’s got her work cut out for her.

When uninvited guests appear on her doorstep, she’s forced to face a party of all the people she ran from when she left the Immortal World. No thanks to that torture!

Grinka plots to avoid the party, until she meets a handsome tree nymph who agrees to attend. Maybe, just maybe, this year Grinka will have a Merry Christmas.

Bytes Bite, And So Do Fairies

As usual, Grinka the sea nymph can’t catch a break. She simply wants to publish her novel. Unfortunately, the two fairy thorns in her side mess with her computer. Too bad they’re immortal and can’t meet the same demise as the innumerable fairies in her book.

If that isn’t enough of a plague, Grinka’s sister Raina pops in from the Immortal World, bringing the first immortal virus with her. And now, Grinka is quarantined in her room with the two fairy nitwits.

Will she survive to hit publish, or will the rainbows and fairies win?

Nymphs Need Love Too

What do you prescribe a depressed sea nymph? A handsome tree nymph, of course.

Grinka can’t stop dreaming of Bello, the hunky tree nymph she met a couple years ago. Unfortunately, sharing her bed with her drama llama teen nymph sister has put a damper on her love life.

Who’s she kidding? Her love life was nonexistent even before she took in her runaway sister. Well, aside from the incident with her goblin ex-boyfriend and his dwarven girlfriend – an event that continues to haunt her in the form of the stalker dwarf.

But Grinka’s not-so-giant giant best friend brings her the gift of Bello’s phone number. Can she summon the courage to call him for a date? And if so, what will her sister and the fairy brats do to ruin it for her this time?