Fairies - Fractured and Uncut - Excerpt

Not only is it a release day - it's a double release day!

In preparation for the Fractured Fairies collection, I revised and expanded Immortal Woes. And it's now available as a single ebook for FREE! You can snag your free copy on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Apple Books, Google Play, and Smashwords. Or for a full retailer list, take a look at Books2Read.

And then of course, I have the collection of all my current Fractured Fairies stories in Fairies - Fractured and Uncut: 7 Humorous Fantasy Tales. All of the stories have been tweaked a bit since they were originally released. The collection includes: Immortal Woes, Ode to Buses and Libraries, S.O.L. Air, Monster in the Room, A Very Grinka Christmas, Bytes Bite, And So Do Fairies, and Nymphs Need Love Too.

You can buy the ebook for Fairies - Fractured and Uncut from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Apple Books, Google Play, and Smashwords. And the full retailer list is at Books2Read. Current price is $3.99 USD.

A paperback version will be available next week from Amazon for $10.95 USD. I had a lot of fun splattering the cover art for the print version! ;)

If you read either title, please leave an honest review on your retailer of choice or at Goodreads (links: Immortal Woes and Fairies - Fractured and Uncut). Reviews help more than you can imagine!

I do have an excerpt for you, as always. This is from that new expanded version of Immortal Woes. Happy reading!

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Syndago staggers around the living room, a huge hole where his face used to be. It’s not supposed to do so much damage, at least not according to all the crime shows I’ve watched. But that whole not human thing tends to come into play. Weapons wreak more havoc on immortals.

The shiny, silver handgun lies discarded on the floor. I’m not sure where he got it, and I wonder how hard it’ll be to get rid of. Maybe I’ll toss it into the Immortal World. Let the dwarves, elves, and goblins play with it.

He stumbles into an end table, and the lamp teeters. It succumbs to gravity and shatters on the ground – the true victim of this incident.

I sigh. Typically I only need to replace broken furniture after the fairies visit.

Syndago’s knees buckle, and he thuds onto his ass. His burly, thundering form shakes the entire apartment, and the windows rattle. If he still had a mouth, he’d surely be blubbering.

Poor, big lug. I miss his face, even if it has a frown affixed to it most of the time.

The crater shrinks slightly, flesh and bone regenerating. Who knows how immortals survive fatal injuries. At least half his brain is gone, if he had a whole one to begin with. Humans would kill for our secret, and Syndago would happily give himself over for experimentation if it meant finding him a cure.

Not that I’m about to give him that idea. The last thing I want is for him to succeed at his suicide attempts. And it’s best humans remain oblivious of our existence.

Maybe the wound will cause him memory loss, and he’ll forget he wants to kill himself.

Wait, no. He tried a guillotine once – it sheared his head right off. It thumped into the basket whole, thankfully no longer animated. A human-sized giant with one mouth is enough to deal with. Can you imagine a second tucked under his arm bemoaning life? I shudder at the thought.

Well, when he chopped his head off, I actually dreaded that he’d succeeded for a moment. Then the regeneration kicked in, and he grew a new head, spiky black hair and all. He remembered everything then, so he will now.

The bullet worms its way out of Syndago’s flesh and tings on the hardwood, then his face completes knitting itself back together. He struggles to his feet and slumps onto the couch, tears dripping from his reconstructed brown eyes. "Nothing works, Grinka. What am I going to do?"

❦

Take one grouchy sea nymph, add a woeful human-sized giant, and mix in two lewd, drunken fairies.

What do you get?

An unsavory blend of immortals attempting to live together in the real world.

7 Humorous Fantasy Tales in the Fractured Fairies series, including:

Immortal Woes

Nothing like having a suicidal not-so-giant giant as a best friend. Unless you also have a couple of drunken fairy pests tormenting him about his small stature.

Grinka's the lucky sea nymph who has both. Between comforting her friend and stopping the lewd fairies from taunting him with a death powder, her temper gets the best of her.

And when it does, things explode.

Ode To Buses And Libraries

A maddening itch on the back of Grinka’s neck drives her to seek answers. Unfortunately, the information about her skin condition can only be found at the Immortal Library.

Getting to the library proves difficult, especially when riding the Immortal Express bus line. Between a lackadaisical centaur and the drunken fairy siblings, it's a wonder Grinka hasn't exploded them all.

Oh wait, she has.

S.O.L. Air

That whole “life’s a journey, not a destination” nonsense doesn’t hold water with Grinka. Especially when she books a flight to Vegas to get away from the two fairy nitwits.

She fails to consider the aquatic ramifications of a sea nymph in the air. And a chance encounter with her goblin ex-boyfriend, Hrelm, threatens to delay her even further.

Seriously, what’s it going to take for Grinka to get to Vegas and gamble away her meager savings?

Monster In The Room

What does a sea nymph do when she comes home to find a monster filling her entire living room? Find out in this bite-sized gulp of Grinka.

A Very Grinka Christmas

Grinka's main goal for Christmas: survive without celebrating a damned thing. Between playing an elf to her mopey human-sized giant friend’s Santa and contending with the fairy siblings’ holiday revelries, she’s got her work cut out for her.

When uninvited guests appear on her doorstep, she’s forced to face a party of all the people she ran from when she left the Immortal World. No thanks to that torture!

Grinka plots to avoid the party, until she meets a handsome tree nymph who agrees to attend. Maybe, just maybe, this year Grinka will have a Merry Christmas.

Bytes Bite, And So Do Fairies

As usual, Grinka the sea nymph can’t catch a break. She simply wants to publish her novel. Unfortunately, the two fairy thorns in her side mess with her computer. Too bad they’re immortal and can’t meet the same demise as the innumerable fairies in her book.

If that isn’t enough of a plague, Grinka’s sister Raina pops in from the Immortal World, bringing the first immortal virus with her. And now, Grinka is quarantined in her room with the two fairy nitwits.

Will she survive to hit publish, or will the rainbows and fairies win?

Nymphs Need Love Too

What do you prescribe a depressed sea nymph? A handsome tree nymph, of course.

Grinka can’t stop dreaming of Bello, the hunky tree nymph she met a couple years ago. Unfortunately, sharing her bed with her drama llama teen nymph sister has put a damper on her love life.

Who’s she kidding? Her love life was nonexistent even before she took in her runaway sister. Well, aside from the incident with her goblin ex-boyfriend and his dwarven girlfriend – an event that continues to haunt her in the form of the stalker dwarf.

But Grinka’s not-so-giant giant best friend brings her the gift of Bello’s phone number. Can she summon the courage to call him for a date? And if so, what will her sister and the fairy brats do to ruin it for her this time?

Fractured Fairies Collection - Vote For A Title!

So, I had planned to chat about The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special. Aside from it being a tad late after the holidays, I decided I really needed more votes on a poll I included in my newsletter last month. Hey, I've at least included a pic of my Guardians LEGO Advent Calendar (why, yes, I do like the Guardians, thanks for asking).

This poll has nothing to do with the Marvel Cinematic Universe, though. It's regarding my Fractured Fairies Universe (should I start calling it the FFU? - lol).

Immortal Woes will be getting an update, and I'll be combining all my Fractured Fairies titles into a single collection this coming fall. But I need a title! I'd love opinions, as I have several ideas. So please take a look at the poll below and vote for your favorite title(s)!

Nymphs Need Love Too (Fractured Fairies, 5) - Excerpt

My first new release of 2022 - yay! And it happens to be the fifth installment in my Fractured Fairies series.

Nymphs Need Love Too incorporates Grinka's love life woes, her drama llama teen nymph sister, and a smart speaker that might be too smart for its own good. As always, the fairy brats are mixed up in all of it!

After you enjoy the excerpt below, please consider purchasing yourself an ebook copy at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo Books, Apple Books, Google Play, or Smashwords. Or if you want to look at all the retailer options with one easy click, please go to Books2Read!

And please remember, reviews are much appreciated at any of the retailers and on Goodreads.

Happy reading!

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I stomp out of the bedroom to find the fairy siblings flitting over a pyramid-shaped speaker, which is sitting on one of the living room end tables. "What is that?"

Tamor turns around and rolls his eyes. "Hey, Boo. Why is Grinka such a bitch?"

A red light flashes at the top of the pyramid. Then a female voice with sultry tones emanates from the speaker. "I’m sorry, I don’t understand."

"Yeah, me neither." The fairy smirks and scratches his balls.

"Seriously?" I plant my hands on my hips. "You know I hate it when you call me that, and all I did was ask a simple question, so it’s completely unwarranted." Yes, I can always count on these two to piss me off enough to encourage the fireworks.

"Why don’t you ask Boo what she is?" Tamara gestures at the speaker.

Her suggestion puts the breaks on my desire to splatter Tamor into tiny fairy bits... For the moment. Talk to an electronic pyramid? Okay, why not. "Um, hey, Boo. What are you?"

This time the light flashes green. "I am Yam-Boom’s newest, top-of-the-line smart speaker. Over time, I adapt to the household’s specific needs, even adjusting my personality to those I speak with. Please, ask me anything. Just don’t expect me to know everything."

Man, Boo has attitude. Kind of creepy, though.

Tamara claps her tiny hands together. "Isn’t she cool?"

I’m not a huge fan of Yam-Boom. They employ fairies, who prevented me from publishing my novel. Speaking of fairies... "How exactly did you two buy something like this?" Neither have a job, and I no longer keep any spare cash lying around. Last time I did, the fairies stole my hidden stash and bought a tablet, which is now mine. My money, my tablet.

"Uh..." Tamor is never at a loss for words. What gives, now?

Tamara titters and flits up to me. "Remember, Herby? Our cousin who loves wine porn and works for Yam-Boom. Well, he hooked us up. Right, Tamor?"

Her brother’s head bobs, almost as rapidly as his wings.

Eh, I’m not so sure about that explanation. They’re acting shifty. Maybe I can explode the truth out of them.

Before I gear myself up to do just that, Syndago bursts through the front door. "Grinka! I got a job!"

❦

What do you prescribe a depressed sea nymph? A handsome tree nymph, of course.

Grinka can’t stop dreaming of Bello, the hunky tree nymph she met a couple years ago. Unfortunately, sharing her bed with her drama llama teen nymph sister has put a damper on her love life.

Who’s she kidding? Her love life was nonexistent even before she took in her runaway sister. Well, aside from the incident with her goblin ex-boyfriend and his dwarven girlfriend – an event that continues to haunt her in the form of the stalker dwarf.

But Grinka’s not-so-giant giant best friend brings her the gift of Bello’s phone number. Can she summon the courage to call him for a date? And if so, what will her sister and the fairy brats do to ruin it for her this time?

Bytes Bite, And So Do Fairies (Fractured Fairies, 4) - Excerpt

Yes, another release! I've been looking forward to this one. It's almost too fun sometimes to play around with Grinka's life.

Bytes Bite, And So Do Fairies is the fourth published title in my Fractured Fairies series, though you can of course jump in with any story.

Please enjoy the excerpt below. And if you'd like to grab a copy, Bytes Bite is only $0.99 at all major online retailers: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Apple Books, Google Play, Smashwords, and Books2Read (the last will give you retailer options to choose from).

And if you read the entire story, please consider leaving a review at one of the retailers or on Goodreads. Reviews are awesome and helpful and it's one of the best ways to support an author you like. OK, I'll shut up now. Promise.

Happy reading!

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Now, I know how hard it is to succeed as a writer. Most indie authors need to crank out titles on a regular basis to earn any kind of money. So I tucked away a good portion of my tips for advertising over the last few months. I want this to work – no, I need this to work.

The thing is, when I started writing this first novel, it also turned into an outlet for some of my anger. And oh man, do I have a lot of anger. Just ask Syndago. My not-so-giant giant friend is rather sick of replacing light bulbs. Hey, I can’t control my destructive powers well, and the fairies piss me off at least every other second.

Speaking of the fairies... it’s far too quiet in the apartment.

And no, they don’t know what I’ve been up to on the computer. At least I hope not.

Unfortunately, they’ve gotten rather tech savvy lately, somehow getting their grubby hands on a tablet. I’m amazed they haven’t broken it yet. Perpetually drunk, naked fairies are rather clumsy.

I check under my desk, then under my bed, and look out the window for good measure again. Nothing. Maybe Syndago took them to the park. They love to harass the real birds in their pigeon illusions.

The circle continues to spin and spin. What’s a sea nymph got to do to get her noir urban fantasy published? I smash the Enter button a few times, to no avail. Actually, the circle appears to spin slower.

Damned computer. It’s been so twitchy lately. I even checked it several times to make sure the fairies hadn’t poured wine in the vents, though they’d be reluctant to waste their precious booze for such a prank.

Maybe I didn’t kill enough fairies in my novel. Yes, I killed a lot of fairies. So cathartic, especially since I can’t kill them in real life. Trust me, I’ve tried a million times by exploding them into honey-colored bits. They’re as immortal as Syndago and me, sadly.

In my novel, though... burn fairies, burn.

I snicker, and the circle freezes. Then the screen turns black for a second, followed by flashing rainbow colors. “What the–?”

Fairy giggles flitter from my closet.

❦

I wonder if this is what a gnome tripping on unicorn hairs feels like.

As usual, Grinka the sea nymph can’t catch a break. She simply wants to publish her novel. Unfortunately, Tamor and Tamara, the two fairy thorns in her side, mess with her computer. Too bad they’re immortal and can’t meet the same demise as the innumerable fairies in her book.

If that isn’t enough of a plague, Grinka’s sister Raina pops in from the Immortal World, bringing the first immortal virus with her. And now, Grinka is quarantined in her room with the two fairy nitwits.

Will she survive to hit publish, or will the rainbows and fairies win?

Art, Or Where My Brain Is Before A Trip

I'd intended to write up a post about Wonder Woman, really I did. But my brain doesn't want to form anything coherent right now. (Hopefully I'll write up some comments for a later post, unless I get too distant from when I watched the movie).

It could be anxiety because it's been 4 years since I've ventured away from the family on my own for a long stretch of time (I've dealt with different levels of anxiety all my life, especially social anxiety, and no I haven't been diagnosed, but it does run in my family). Or it could be all the things on my to do list freezing up my molecules, especially my neurons. Probably a combination of both. I'll push through to at least get the necessary stuff done. But a thoughtful blog post? Hahahaha. Not right now.

Sooooo... pretty pictures! I poked around Pixabay for some neat ones simply using the search term "fantasy". Art definitely makes me smile and helps me shove down some of that anxiety, even if for only a brief moment.

First up is this haunted looking train. Definitely neat. I'm sure I've seen it other places around the internet. But I picked this one because I'll be hopping on a train tomorrow! Let's hope it's not a ghost train, shall we?

I also found this neat idyllic scene. I love the face in the tree and the blue butterflies make it pop. What do you think the woman in the picture is thinking? She looks deep in thought. I wonder if her hair hides pointed ears. This might be a good one to do a free write based on and see where it takes me (maybe while I'm on the train)!

And I love this one. Unicorns are my thing. I have a black unicorn tattoo. One of my friends also made me a Unicorno addict (those little figures are so expensive - lol). I love how the edits are done in this picture, though. Makes it all look more realistic. Oh, and I'm also seeking many, many unicorns right now: balance, writing career success, convincing my 3-year-old to not be so stubborn and willful...

Have any pretty art that you've found recently and love?

A Very Grinka Christmas Excerpt

"Ho, ho, ho!"

Nope, not Santa, but Syndago (very dedicated at playing Santa, though).

Yup, it's time for another Fractured Fairies tale! A Very Grinka Christmas is a new novelette that brings together several of the characters we've already seen in past Fractured Fairies stories and brings in a few new ones as well! But even if you haven't read any of the previous stories, you should easily slip into the humor in this holiday tale.

If you want a humorous Christmasy romp to read this holiday season (the fairies trying to burn the apartment down, Grinka forced to use a Christmas elf illusion, and more), then consider picking up a copy of A Very Grinka Christmas. You can find it at all major online retailers: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo Books, and iBooks.

And of course there's an excerpt below, along with the blurb.

Have a happy, fractured holiday everyone!

❦

A boy of at least eight runs up to Syndago and jumps in his lap.

"Oof!" Syndago may be big, but he's sensitive. "Be nice to Santa, little man."

Little Man proceeds to yank on Syndago's beard. "You're not the real Santa, and I'll prove it!"

Surprise, surprise, kid. Syndago glued the beard on. Superglue, even. He's one committed Santa.

The boy tugs harder.

"Ow!"

"Carter, cut that out and tell Santa what you want for Christmas." The boy's stalky father sidles up to me, offering a nicotine-stained smile. "Sorry about that. He gets a little overzealous sometimes. Takes after his mom." One corner of his mouth twitches. "There's a reason I divorced her." He winks.

Oh, for the love of immortals. Sadly, he isn't the first one who's hit on me. I mean, I may be in an elf outfit illusion, but it's still my usual hot looking body -- a necessity for my profession. Stripper.

A psychiatrist might say I'm overcompensating with my illusion due to insecurities. I hate psychiatrists more than I hate elves.

But if this obnoxious man knew the truth of what my illusion truly hid, he'd bolt. I'm tempted to let him cop a feel and find out what seashell-covered breasts feel like. The shock on his face would be priceless.

He shoves a business card into my palm. "Call me." His hand lingers on mine far too long.

One of the bulbs in the string of lights above me bursts.

Syndago levels a stern gaze at me as Carter bounces off his lap and pulls his father away. "Grinka, be good."

"Hey, it's only one bulb." I could have blown out the whole set. Or worse.

"They add up. That's nine already today."

"Cheap lights."

"I'm trying. Give me a break -- you know I don't have perfect control." Far from it. "Can we go home yet?"

"Almost. Two or three more kids and our shift is over."

Then I can see what the fairy twits destroyed today. They've been on a revelry bender since the beginning of the month, and it hasn't been pretty.

The holidays will be over soon. Yes, yes. And then they'll go back to their normal level of destructiveness.

I just hope I survive.

❦

A grouchy sea nymph who fancies herself a modern-day Scrooge. Bah humbug.

Grinka's main goal for Christmas: survive without having to celebrate a damned thing. Between playing an elf to her mopey human-sized giant friend's Santa and contending with the fairy siblings' holiday revelries, she's got her work cut out for her. And when some uninvited guests appear on her doorstep, she's forced to face a party of all the people she ran from when she left the Immortal World.

No thanks to that torture! Grinka plots to avoid the party, until she meets a handsome tree nymph who agrees to attend. Maybe, just maybe, this year Grinka will have a Merry Christmas.

S.O.L. Air Excerpt

Why yes, it is another release day! It's hard to believe this is the 9th story I've released for my Baker's Dozen Experiment. What a ride.

Well, I started out the experiment with releasing Fractured Fairies, and today we get to read more about Grinka, Syndago, and the fairy brats! The humorous antics continue in S.O.L. Air, which you can now nab from Amazon. As always, this was fun to write. I hope you enjoy it as well! You can find an excerpt below.

And the next Fractured Fairies tale will be coming at the end of November - A Very Grinka Christmas! It'll be longer than the previous stories, but there's plenty of humor to keep things lively. What, you thought I'd stop publishing after the experiment was over? Never! I'll be writing until my body no longer allows it. You're stuck with my stories and characters for a good long time.

Anyway, onto the good stuff!

❦

I take a deep breath as the plane engines rev louder and the flight attendant buckles herself in. Maybe I can jump out of a window. Nope, no way to open this sucker, and someone was smart enough to not seat me in the emergency row. I peer out the window and gulp. Maybe I should have given Syndago the window seat.

I see a flicker of movement to the right, outside the plane, and crane my neck to look closer. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

There on the wing sit the two fairy twits. They wave when they realize I notice them. Guess they’re willing to risk being ground into a sticky pulp so they can make my life more miserable.

“There are pigeons on the wing.” At least my voice is now dry instead of panicky.

“I told you you couldn’t leave them behind.” Syndago frowns. “They deserve a vacation, too.”

“Every day of their lives is a vacation! They drink and drink and drink, and play pranks, and make rude comments, and drive me up a wall, and--” If it weren’t for Syndago insisting we can’t abandon them, the little snots would be living on the street, like proper pigeons, and not with us. The bulb above my head bursts. “And I need a vacation from them.”

“Calm down, Grinka.”

I open my mouth, ready to tick off several reasons why I don’t need to calm down, but the plane lurches forward and fear shoves the anger down my throat.

We’re taking off. No, we can’t. Stop the plane. I need to get off.

“Your mouth is hanging open.” Syndago’s brow wrinkles with worry.

I squeak.

❦

What’s a sea nymph got to do to get a vacation around here?

That whole “life is a journey, not a destination” nonsense doesn’t hold water with Grinka. Especially when she books a flight to Vegas to get away from those two fairy nitwits. She doesn’t quite consider the aquatic ramifications of a sea nymph in the air. Nor does she plan on a chance encounter with her goblin ex-boyfriend, Hrelm. Seriously, what’s it going to take for Grinka to get to Vegas and gamble away her meager savings?

Fractured Fairies Snippet - Ode to Buses and Libraries

Fractured Fairies: Immortal Woes & Ode to Buses and Libraries released on Tuesday! I thought it would be nice to offer a brief snippet from "Ode to Buses and Libraries." So, here it is. If you like what you read, consider visiting Amazon and snagging a copy. It's also currently available through Kindle Unlimited and Kindle Owners' Lending Library.

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"So, you're going to send us five hours in the opposite direction when our destination is only an hour away?" The nerve.

"Yep."

I scramble over the counter and yank the metal chain around the centaur's neck, the one proclaiming him "Too Cool." "Look. We wouldn't have been late if it weren't for the damned bus driver." The ogre went in circles to waste time, I know it. Not to mention the restroom break. Syndago learned it was a bad idea to enter a bathroom just after an ogre finished taking a two-hour crap. "I won't stand for it."

The centaur shrugs, as cool as the chain I hold him by. "Nothing I can do."

Syndago pulls me back.

Too late.

The centaur's head explodes, splattering all over the kiosk. So much for Syndago's warning, but sometimes my power has a mind of its own. Really.

❦

Two short stories about a sea nymph with a bad attitude, a potty mouth, and the power of destruction.

Immortal Woes

Nothing like having a suicidal not-so-giant giant as a best friend. Unless you also have a couple of drunken fairy pests tormenting him about his small stature. Grinka's the lucky sea nymph who has both. Between comforting her friend and stopping the lewd fairies from taunting him with a suicide powder, her temper gets the best of her. And when it does, things explode.

"Immortal Woes" received an Honorable Mention in Quarter 3 of the 2015 Writers of the Future Contest.

Ode to Buses and Libraries

Grinka has a maddening itch on the back of her neck. And the only place she can find any answers about her skin condition is at the library in the Immortal World. Of course getting to the library isn't easy, especially when riding the Immortal Express bus line. Between a lackadaisical centaur and the drunken fairy twins, it's a wonder Grinka hasn't exploded them all. Oh wait, she has.