In Memoriam

Some of you are going to think I'm nuts. So, I'll admit I am upfront and get that out of the way. Today, my blog entry is solely concerning my goldfish. I know I've posted this pic before, but it's the only one I have of him. It is with much sadness I report that my ancient, crazy fishy has passed away.

It was already July 4 (about quarter to 2 in the morning) when my husband and I found him no longer swimming. He had seemed fine as ever around 8pm. For those of you who know me well, you know I got him on July 4 thirteen years ago. I am more than sure he made it to midnight when it officially became the 4th and just decided 13 years was long enough.

I'd like to give a little history. He was more than just a fish to me. His name was Sterling Stars and he was won at a festival with a friend called Golden Stripes (who sadly escaped down the drain one day while cleaning - and I have no doubt she would have lived just as long if not for that incident). Stars and Stripes Forever - yes I was thirteen myself at that time, I had to think of something cute like that since I won them on the 4th of July.

The thing is, I've associated Stars with my writing for the longest time. A month or two after I won him is when I started the novel that took me all of high school to write (I know how bad that novel is, it will never see the light of day, but it was the fact I was undertaking that and that was really when I first got more serious about writing). So, in a sense, he was a fishy muse. He was supposed to have lived until I got a novel published!

Stars was also no normal fish (it seems nothing I own ends up being normal). he was crazy.

*** He insisted that all his stones on the bottom of his tank were not in the proper place, therefore would move them around. One time I did an experiement and put all of one color on one side and then another color on the other side. by the time I had to clean his tank again, they were all mixed up.

*** He also refused to eat quietly. You put the fish food in and you would swear the loud bloop bloop bloop you heard was a cat playing in water, not a little goldfish eating.

*** Instead of living a long healthy life for a goldfish, he figured THIRTEEN years would be much better so people could ponder at the unimaginable age he was.

*** And to top it off, he had to go out with a bang. He couldn't just die on any old day of the year. No way. Exactly 13 years to the day that I won him was when he swam his way to his next life. Now that's a fish with timing and a sense of drama!

You bet your butt he'll be mentioned in my dedication page WHEN I get my first novel published.

Stars will be greatly missed since he had been through a lot with me and traveled with me the many times I moved (even in dorm rooms!). And I will ignore all of those that tell me he was just a fish. He was my Stars, and it will not be the same without him around. :(

The Good and The Bad

Okay. Another long delay between posts. I really have to stop doing that. Well, I have some bad news (you know me, I always seem to have bad news), but instead of letting the bad news take over, I am going to cover the good stuff first. And I intend to do this each blog entry. That way, once I start complaining about the nasty stuff, people can stop reading if they wish. ;)

I am in Pennsylvania at the moment - it's WPF Alumni Writers' Retreat this coming weekend, and I came early, so I could see some of my friends' thesis readings, and to get some writing done. So, with my little bit of extra time, I finally finished the rough draft of my Hell short story - yay! It feels good to have completed something. I know I have revisions (endless as always) to do, but this is the first rough draft of something I have completed since I finished my thesis novel. I feels good.

I'm also happy to be around so many like-minded individuals again for the week. Hanging around other writers with similar goals really wakes me up. Hopefully, after this I'll be able to set something up online with a few fellow writers where we have to meet online once a week, and we have to have some writing to show for it. It might work - there might me to be a bigger motivation though then just getting online glares if you don't have anything. :)

I'll also be going to my very first pitch session tomorrow. I'm not nervous yet, but I'm sure I will be about ten minutes before I have to open my mouth. Here's hoping I can get the words out. I've also been wanting to start my Fate world, tarot card idea, and that means drawing, but I forgot my ruler. :p Oops.

That's all of "The Good" I think. Time for "The Bad." I'll start with the worst. My laptop hard drive died on me, the night before I left for Pennsylvania! It couldn't wait to die until after the week. It knew I really needed it while here. So, I'm on a residency hall comp right now, instead of outside enjoying the beautiful day like I should be. I've also still been having troubles with my desktop comp at home.

It is official, Luna rejected my novel. Bleh. When I get home, it's time to tweak my query and start sending it out to more agents again. It feels horrible to have nothing in circulation at the moment. And I damn well better find a home for my story "Suicide Woes" because it deserves to be in print. I KNOW it's funny, unless when people say it is they're lying, but I think I believe most of them.

I could mention the shampoo bottle that exploded in my suitcase (everything smells like tea tree now - what a headache), but then you'd all think I'm REALLY complaining a lot. Oops, I did mention it - so I do complain too much.

I think that's it for now. No particular goals until I'm home next week. Ignore the word count meter bar at the moment - it's too much of a pain to keep track without my laptop on hand. Okay, happy writing all!

May Is Almost Over - Time To Rejoice!

Again, it's been a while since I posted. Let's just say, I'm a bit too pleased that May is coming to an end. I have good reasons for not blogging, really I do.

Oh, if you want the good news, scroll down to the end of the post.

Well, as stated in my last post, I had my wisdom teeth removed. That sucked. About two weeks ago my husband got sick, and in turn, I got what he had, but three times worse. Not over-exaggerating. He had a fever for one day, whereas I had a fever for three days. Just as I was getting over all of that junk (and I still have a nasty cough and some lovely phlegm), it was time for WisCon. I just returned from WisCon yesterday, and I would have posted while I was there, but I again had patchy internet. I swear it's my laptop.

Well, WisCon was fun. I think in future years though I need to make sure at least one friend is there as well. I am socially inept to begin with - wandering through the parties by myself just makes me feel lost, especially since everyone is in their groups and conversations. No way am I bold enough to interject myself into a conversation.

I especially enjoyed the panel "Make Shit Up." It reconfirmed to me that I need to shut up that little voice in my head, which makes me consider what others would think of what I'm writing, when I'm working on the first draft. Nicolla Griffith called it The Parrot. Perfect comparison. I need to make sure I am writing for the shear joy and eagerness to get a story that's in my mind down on paper. In other words, I need to get back into writing for myself first. And hearing that everyone else on the panel does just that made me feel a hell of a lot better. I don't know if it was the two years at Seton, or that I have become a bit more touchy to critiques, but I have been focusing too much on if others are going to like what I'm writing, and it freezes me up, and then I don't finish the first draft.

So, I think I have to set a new rule for myself. No one is allowed to see what I've written until I have a full first draft done. I had the beginning of Daina's Dance critiqued for the WisCon Writers' Workshop. I was so excited with the idea and the novel, and now after the crit I feel as if it is all really pointless and I'm not going to be able to do it the way I wanted to. I am discouraged to finish the first draft even to see where it's all going. Now if I had that first draft done, revisions suck anyway, so I wouldn't need the excitement I need for a first draft to propel me to the end. That make any sense? Hopefully I'll get over it and finish the first draft of Daina in the future. Perhaps I'll work on the sequel to Mind Behind the Mind now, especially since Tessa and Bastian are giving me a headache, insisting I return to them and tell their damn stories. I wish Daina was a more insistent character, but then she wouldn't fit in with my vision.

Goals for this week? Update my website. Figure out how to inform Luna of my change of address, since I have yet to hear back from the query I sent months and months ago. Catch up with my online writing groups. Figure out LiveJournal (only so I can connect with friends and communities on LJ - this blog is still where I will post, and I will never leave it because LJ is already frustrating me with figuring things out). Finish that "Hell" story...I won't call it a short - I might not have typed up all the handwritten pages yet, but it's well over 25 typed pages now I'd say. E-mails - oh man I am so neglectful. And way too many other things.

*** Here is the good news I mentioned way at the top. I know, this should probably have been posted first. It was going to have its own post earlier this month, but that didn't happen. The anthology Modern Magic: Tales of Fantasy and Horror is now available to purchase. My story "Kindled Morphogenesis" is the first one in the antho, among many other excellent stories (and awesome artwork). You can purchase a copy online at Fantasist, Amazon, or Barnes and Noble. Now go buy it. ;)

Okay, that's all for now. Happy writing! :)