Sigh

Bad...yes. Horrible...yes. Shameful...yes. These words all describe me when it comes to writing lately. My muse is hibernating.

Not to mention that current posts on my WRWA listserve has made me feel a bit ashamed of having a such a personal (complaining lots) blog. It's not professional for a writer. What if a publisher/agent were to see it, what would they think? Honestly, I like utilizing this blog to get out my frustrations. Even if so few people come here, it at least feels like I'm getting all my junk out in the open, instead of just containing it to a private journal. Private journals still keep all the crap locked up in my own head, and that isn't theraputic for me in the least. So, will my chances at having a novel accepted for publication decrease if I continue this blog? I surely hope not. I tend to pride myself in doing things because I want to, and if other people don't like me the way I am, then boo to them. It doesn't seem right to hide a part of myself, and no longer having this "venting" blog would do just that. :(

See, talking about that made me feel a bit better already, especially since I didn't feel it was proper to argue for the personal blog on the WRWA listserve. I'm not one of those people that expect a publisher to see my blog and want to publish it (which was another thing they brought up), so I see no problem with doing this. :) I want my fantasy to be noticed as "something special," not my blog. :p

Well, as mentioned above, the muse is on vacation, and I have no motivation to write, revise, or critique. Although, I really need to critique stories. Heck, my Halloween lights are still up - I don't have motivation for anything. Including this blog, as the timespan between this post and the last shows.

It is my New Year's resolution to become more balanced, encourage the self-motivation, and get way more done in 2005 than in 2004. Okay, I know it's early still for New Year's resolutions, but it's good to get a head start on the long resolution/goal list I plan on making for myself. ;)

Hopefully, I'll have happier things to update on in a week. Happy writing and Merry Christmas (or Blessed Yule)!

Last Comment for NaNoWriMo 2004

No, I haven't written anymore. Yes, I know there are still two days left (a day and a half to be exact). No, I don't consider this giving up. So, I didn't suceed at NaNo this year. I'm not a winner (nothing new there). At least I have the second novel in the trilogy started, and with that start came new insight and ideas for revising the first novel. There's always next year. Maybe I'll be able to convince a few of my friends to join me next time so we can bribe and flog each other into finishing. I had one friend doing it this year, but she likes to be silent for spans of time. And I think she got way less than I did (3k). She's not as serious about writing (she spends more time on fanfiction, which I think would be best spent creating her own works).

So, my final count is at 14k. And I'm not going to strive for more in the next two days because I have other writing stuff that I've been putting off, like revising the first novel, writing my workshop submission for next residency, and filling out module stuff for the residency. I should have sent that in weeks ago.

That's all I'm going to say about NaNoWriMo for now. I feel too pessimisstic right now to actually display it on the blog. ;) So, it's back to weekly updates.

Days 23 through 26

I do wonder how so many days pass me by. The time fairy is playing tricks on me. That has to be it. Oh, I promised myself I wouldn't make excuses. Oops. Well, I wrote nothing on days 23, 24, and 25. Day 26's count is...

1,100 words

Total...

14,000 words

I wrote more that that in the book in a week I attempted a few months ago. And this has taken me almost 4 weeks? I'm pathetic. Anybody think I can write 36,000 words in 4 days? I could really use some encouragement right now (but the key is, it has to be believable encouragement because the false stuff just depresses me even more). Some of what I write in the next few days might not be on the current novel, since I need to write something for school (workshop for the next residency - I was thinking of writing the first chapter or two of my Shepherd of Dreams idea...if I knew where to start). I'd of course use that toward my NaNo word count - hey it would still be fresh writing.

I'm going to sleep now. Also, I plan on setting the alarm for 8am and see if I can encorage myself out of bed that early, so I can start writing by 9 or 10am. I was supposed to do dishes today...oops. Such is life. Damn time fairy.