Writing vs. Quarantine

Wow, what a curve ball Mother Nature has sent our way recently!

When this current situation started in the U.S. - Hubbie now working from home every day of the week, kids with pretty much two weeks of spring break instead of just one before diving into virtual learning (um, homeschooling), and me without a moment to myself any longer - I'd thought it would be a grand idea to do a funny diary-like post about the whole situation. As I've learned so often in life, things never turn out how I planned.

As each day passed, my notes quickly turned into not funny at all. And then I had to start homeschooling. Let me tell you, for a person that completely sucks at multi-tasking, my anxiety is beyond high simply from trying to teach Youngest (who doesn't want to listen to me) and field questions from Eldest (while Youngest yatters in my ear to go on with her school work so she can continue to not pay attention or believe a word I say).

This has seriously been rough on me the last nearly four weeks. So rough that I can't get any writing done due to a combination of time, energy, and anxiety.

And yes, I understand and sympathize with others out there who also have it rough (or rougher). I'm not pulling out a measuring stick, trying to compare who has it worse. It's bad for everyone, even if it's a different kind of bad for everyone (even for those people who are simply bored - I mean, I can't grasp the concept of ever being bored with my endless list of interests, but I do understand they are suffering in their own way as well).

So please let's not come into the comments with anything like, "You have it easy - it's so much worse for me!" I've quite had enough of people belittling other people's feelings and reactions to this whole situation.

For me, it simply boils down to, my anxiety is high, so high that I've been on the verge of an anxiety attack several times. And while many of the things causing me anxiety may not affect others the same, that's how those things affect me. Everyone is different, everyone reacts differently, each person has different levels of what they can take, so let's just all get along and sympathize with everyone else - this whole thing sucks all around. Period.

OK, off my soapbox. I guess mindlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed has been getting to me. Too much jabbing on all topics.

Which is why, pretty much after this post, I'm taking a big social media break. This will include blog posts. Hell, it was hard enough convincing myself I needed to write this one. I'm hoping to be back at it all come June.

And yes, as I mentioned already, I've been unable to write. Revisions of Well of Solitude (Fortunes of Fate, 7) are on hold, likely until June as well. I'm hoping in summer, even though the kids will still be home, there will be a lot less pressure due to no longer having to homeschool, and then I can banish them outside for a couple hours (or be nice and let them play video games every afternoon).

Until then, I'm not putting any pressure on myself to write a single word... well, aside from this post. I may start a new Fractured Fairies story just to blow off some steam if my anxiety levels decrease and allow me to have a bit more energy. I've been intending to have Grinka deal with a computer virus - maybe she'll be confronted with a real virus as well, who knows. Those stories have always been my way to vent about annoying situations or just plain have fun. Can you imagine Grinka quarantined with the fairies? Oh, boy.

I'm at least happy to declare my drive to write and conjure up new ideas hasn't been dampened. Stuff is just getting in the way of my ability to execute. =P And I have to accept that once in a while, it's time to put the original plan on pause and go back to it later.

None of us should be too hard on ourselves right now!

I've babbled enough. And since I did spend the time writing down some of the events once we started pretty much quarantining ourselves, aside from grabbing food and taking occasional walks, I'll leave you with a few here. Not the depressing ones. The ones that still give me a bit of a chuckle. I hope they give you a chuckle, too.

Diary of a Quarantined Writer Mom

Day 1 – Bickering broke out at breakfast. Kids had exhausted me by lunch. And then I gave up and played video games until dinner.

Day 2 – Drama over organizing a drawer – Eldest claimed it would take hours to straighten. It took 10 minutes. Pre-order for the Deluxe Edition of Final Fantasy VII Remake delayed – the horror!

Day 4 – Ostara (Spring Equinox)! Woke up with a headache and a beyond hyper Youngest. Where does she get all this energy? Amazon messed up categories for Mind Behind the Mind big time. Medical Romance? Um, no. Planted sunflower seeds, but too tired to dye eggs.

Day 5 – Anxiety climbing. Really need a schedule... if the kids would let me make one between all the other stuff I need to get done. Finally dyed some eggs – glad the kids had fun.

Day 6 – Played a hell of a lot of FFX and let the kids play video games, too.

Day 8 – Schedule for today – let’s see how it goes. It seems Minecraft pacifies the young rabble-rousers. For the most part. Still some drama while I was trying to revise.

Day 9 – Went for our usual walk, and clearly people aren’t taking this social distancing seriously. Another kid tried to give Youngest a shell, and after we backed away and said no thank you, the kid’s caregiver tried to insist it was "just a shell". No, means no. Move along. Do I need to carry a sign that says, "Observing Social Distancing"?

Day 10 – Woke up in an "I don’t care" mood. What do you think that means? More video games!

Day 11 – Eldest’s birthday. Unfortunately, our local baker couldn’t make the cake we ordered. So... Funfetti cupcakes instead! With blue frosting, of course.

Day 12-13 – Lots of video games!

Day 14 – How long does it take to plan three daily schedules and a single day’s lesson plan? All damned day.

Day 15 - First day of homeschooling. How long does it take for the schedules and lesson plan to unravel? Minutes. Oh, and drama over art/drawing? The one task I thought would be easy!

Day 16 – I can’t do this for five plus weeks. Argh! My brain is constantly being interrupted by the kids, notifications from teachers, and the million things I need to do speeding through my mind. My lack of multi-tasking skills are showing through. Writing time? What writing time?

Day 17 and Beyond – Gave up tracking the days. Everything’s blending into one big blob, a blob that I turn into every afternoon as I scroll through Facebook on the couch in utter exhaustion.

Mini Mind Splat #8: Mini Mind Splats

MINI MIND SPLAT WARNING: Nothing I comment on is meant to offend. It's simply my opinion and how I feel about certain things (mostly inconsequential things). I'd love to see thoughts from others in the comments. Just remember, have fun with it. This isn't meant to be super serious.

Where's The Duck?

I'm getting all meta up in here today - lol. It's a Mini Mind Splat about Mini Mind Splats!

So, I've been having fun writing up some of these Mini Mind Splats. It's a little more freeing than my more planned posts, and they don't take too long to type up. I thought they'd be a nice little addition to the blog, mainly in an attempt to post content at least once a week. It's also a bit of insight into my psyche, as fractured as it is.

With that said, I think it's time to hit the pause button on these. It seems that most people aren't all that interested in my opinions on silly things (maybe even some people take those silly things really seriously and hate it that I'm making light of them -- sorry if that's the case).

Again, I enjoy posting them, which in normal circumstances would be enough to keep me going. A million things on my plate, though, do not make for normal circumstances. I'm feeling more overwhelmed than usual and want to make sure I'm spending my writing time on more important things than allowing myself to mind dump all over a blog post.

This means I'm going back down to one post every other week, until there's such a time where I can up that count again to once a week. When that time comes, I may bring back Mini Mind Splats.

Unless of course people convince me otherwise. Have you been enjoying my silly opinions? I'd happily be encouraged to wiggle them back into my schedule if there's actually some interest. Leave a comment below, or send me a private message if you don't want to be embarrassed by publicly acknowledging you actually like my ramblings. ;)

Crispy Writer Brain

I'm DONE with the first draft of Thorns Entwine the Blade!

The initial reaction was much rejoicing, and I rode the writing high. Of course, you have to come plummeting down from the heights at some point. For me, it didn't take too long.

Mainly, this is due to the last two weeks of massive writing binges. I know many writers who can write 3000-5000 (or more) daily. Yay for them! (Not a sarcastic yay. I'm happy for them, and a little envious.) And in most cases, they worked up to that -- one rarely starts at such amounts.

I'm used to about 1000-1500 words a day, and usually about 3 days per week (let's not have a discussion on increasing my writing productivity -- for now, that's my usual, and my "day job" includes a three-year-old who's particularly bull-headed, and reminded me just how much with an hour long fit this morning). Over the last two weeks, I've written over 19,000 words. That's 9,500 average per week. More than twice as much as my usual writing output.

And what compounds it, is that two of the days were 4000-word days, 1 day a 3000-word day, and then my final day of 2600 words (and several 1000-1500-word days).

My brain is fried.

Yes, writer burn out does exist. I'm not saying that these kinds of numbers will never be my norm. But right now it was like a massively long sprint. My side is aching and I can barely breathe. (Side note: I'm not a runner, so a long sprint for me is like a block - lol. XD)

And I am feeling the flames. Crispy writer brain. I can't keep this up without a break.

I need time to recover physically and mentally. Heck, I'm finding it harder than usual to write a sensical (this is not a real word -- my brain can't think of how to word this right now, though... please don't make it) blog post with the usual toddler interruptions.

Of course, I can't take a break yet. I have to go through the draft and fix a few things that I already know need fixing (I need to do this by Sunday, so more sprinting is likely). Then I can send it off to my beta readers.

Then, yes, I can take a break. A short one. Do you think a week will be enough to recharge the writing/revising batteries?

Oh, and this doesn't mean I get a week off. Aside from the toddler who never lets me have a minute off, I also have other writing tasks to tackle (my developmental editing plan for Haunted Unicorn Publishing, cover art for Hell On Wheels, tweaking the cover and back matter for Hell Hath No Fury, critiques, another blog post... among other things). I should also consider cleaning the house.

But right now I really just need some "no actual writing" time. I love writing to no end, but burn out is a real thing, honest.

Let's hope my brain doesn't get much crispier before I finish on Sunday, or my hubbie might need to pull out the fire extinguisher. =P

October = Break Time!

A day late and a dollar short? Sorry for the delay. My daughter had a field trip early this morning, and I didn't want to stay up late to post last night!

Anyway, as seen from the last post, I'm still in a bit of a funk. I honestly think that the weather is affecting me more than usual even. The winter blues have pounced on me and they are digging their claws in! Therefore, I think I at least need a bit of a blogging break. Only for a couple weeks. I will probably have two more posts this month, then if I do NaNoWriMo, I'll likely be posting frequently in November.

That doesn't mean I'm not going to write. I'm through Chapter 4 for revisions on Dead As Dreams. I hope to revise at least another 10 Chapters, but we'll see how the month goes. I need to get my head and house in order so I'm not worrying about a million other things when I write. Maybe it's time to start meditating again (although if I try that, I may just fall asleep instead).

The Mind Behind the Mind received another rejection, and I hope to send it off to the Harper Voyager open submissions call in the next few days. I also received another short story rejection, so I have a few short stories to push out into slush piles again. One I may need to edit first though. =)

Speaking of short stories, I will be editing and formatting "Dancing in the Wind" and placing it up on Amazon for sale (may also go up on B&N and Smashwords) later this month. I need to finish the cover art for it, and I'm waiting on a friend to help out with some nice art. My initial goal is the 15th, but definitely by the 25th, as long as I get the artwork! I can always change the cover I guess if the art is delayed.

So, that's really what I have on my writing plate. I just need to keep plugging along. The two posts I hope to write up this month will likely be a contribution to Science Fiction & Fantasy Saturday with an excerpt from "Dancing in the Wind" and then on Halloween I'll have another Magic is Reality, Reality is Magic entry talking about Samhain--the first sabbat (holiday) in the Wheel of the Year!

Don't forget about Writing Quest - October!

NEXT UP: Only two more posts in October--one for SFFS (date to be determined) and the other will be a post about Samhain on Halloween!

Week Off

Dear readers, I've decided to take a week off from blogging! I know you were all looking forward to discussing Classic Fantasy, but I assure you, next Wednesday I'll do just that. Until then, happy reading and writing!