The Struggle Is Real

Yeah, I know there's a bunch of scary stuff going on in the world nowadays. It all makes me sad, so I tend to avoid it because becoming more sad is a bad idea for me right now. Heck, I've taken to ignoring Facebook for the most part because it has a tendency to effect my mood too much.

Speaking of mood, I guess that's kind of what this post is about. I figured it would be nice to be frank as well as get my current struggles out there -- hopefully it'll be a little therapeutic, too.

Writing isn't as easy as some people may think (and those of you who know writing can be tough are nodding your heads right now, I'm sure). But lately for me, it's been a major struggle. I haven't kept up a consistent writing schedule since the beginning of November. I was rolling with NaNoWriMo, making great progress, and then I got sick. That sick turned into bronchitis on Thanksgiving. While I'm mostly over the sick, aside from a cold or two here and there, the stuff back in November and December pretty much stalled my progress.

I know it's not the interruption alone that has my flailing, though. I've always had some issues keeping it together during the winter, and I'm sure I've mentioned before that I likely get SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Heck, I even tried one of those little blue lights one year and it gave me a headache, so I had to stop using it. Last winter was a pretty mild one, so I was able to keep up my momentum decently well. This winter, though, it's been way too cold, and Jack Frost doesn't want to release his icy grip. Mother Nature thought it would be hilarious to give us two snow storms, one on April 15 and one just yesterday, April 18. I think we got more snow in those two days than we have the rest of the winter.

Guess what, Mother Nature? I'm not laughing.

I was counting on April, the hope of spring, and Camp NaNoWriMo getting me back in the game and revising more. No dice with this weather. Unfortunately, I think I'm also still struggling with the shift in work time. I used to write mid-morning when Youngest napped, but since she started preschool, I have her nap in the afternoons. If it wasn't clear before, it is now, that I'm more productive, awake, and alert between 10am and Noon. Which sucks because unless I can convince Youngest to have a couple hours of quiet time in the mid-mornings (fat chance -- she is loud and has already asked me what half a dozen animals eat since I've started writing this post), I'm stuck with this writing schedule for at least another year and a half. Oh, and the days she's in preschool in the mornings, I'm useless since I'm still exhausted from all the walking (next fall she'll be in 4K in the afternoons, and hopefully at a closer school -- I really hope that helps).

Also, when I'm this moody, I sink myself into games and TV, and then nothing else gets done, so the house is a bit of a disaster as well. It could be worse, I know, but the disorganization in the house as well as all the junk we have (I have the pack rat gene from my grandpa, and my kids have inherited it -- not tripping into hoarder territory, but my study has become a storage room... my grandparents had a two bedroom apartment just so my grandpa could store stuff in one room, so I am reminded of that -- yikes), has been getting on my nerves, and every time I start somewhere, it feels like I'm treading water.

It just seems that my mind is in the middle of this never-ending battle, and not writing enough only makes it worse since I'm falling behind schedule. Those nice One-Year and Five-Year plans I had drawn up in December? Out the window!

I am happy that I've made a little progress, at least. I haven't given up, and I've revised some of Thorns Entwine the Blade, even if it's no where near the amount I should be at with almost one third of the year gone. I just have to accept that my schedule will need to be shifted, and publications will need to be delayed. That's one of the nice things about indie publishing -- you're not working on a publisher's deadline, so if life happens you can move things later without getting into too much trouble, as long as you don't have a pre-order up already!

And I do know all of this won't last. Eventually Youngest will be in school most of the day, and I'll be able to write when I'm most productive. Winter doesn't last forever, and my mood will be lifted up with the warmth of spring and summer. I just may need to start factoring in my winter issues when I draw up my future One-Year and Five-Year plans.

I know this post was a bit long, but it felt good to get my recent struggles off of my chest. And maybe if some of you are also struggling through the winter and other life bumps, you'll see you're not alone.

The most important thing is to never give up. Keep moving forward one step at a time, even if you only take a single step some days.

1001 7 Reasons Not to Write

What, you were expecting 1001 Reasons Not to Clean? I really hope I can't find 1001 reasons not to write. But lately, as you can see by the delayed blog post, a lot has been getting in the way of my writing. So, here's a mini list. I hope someone can get a chuckle out of the aggravation below (or others can completely relate).

7 Reasons Not to Write

1. The flu. Not just you with the flu, but your eldest child and your husband. Of course, the youngest child escapes the wretched sickness unscathed, so not only are you dealing with feeling miserable, but you have to contend with a preschooler's high energy level. Even if you had the energy to write, or the brain space, your joints hurt too much to type.

2. One of your cats has a UTI. And the first round of meds didn't work properly. So you're trying to keep an eye on his litter habits and also conferring with the vet. Then you need to take him in another time because the second round of meds still aren't doing it. Finally you need to stress over buying him new, expensive food (that you feel is filled with crap)... which all three cats in the house will need to eat because you'd waste too many hours keeping them separate. Exactly when am I finding time to write with all this going on?

3. One of the computers in the house decides to stop starting up properly. Since you're the one who built the computers in the house you not only need to fix it, but also troubleshoot what's wrong. This includes taking apart your other computer to test a part in the problem computer. After determining the failing part, you need to jump through hoops to request a replacement because it's still under warranty. Though you wonder why you just didn't buy a new one after paying an insane amount of shipping to send out the bad part. When the replacement part arrives and you sit down to install it, you realize they forgot one of the cords needed (oh, you think I don't need power to the CPU?), so then you need to stop in the middle and wait for them to send the missing cord. Once it arrives, you finally fix the computer, and breathe a sigh of relief when it turns on and stays on. Writing? Hell, yes, this whole debacle sucked up a lot of writing time.

4. Yup, caught the cat with the UTI peeing in a corner (unfortunate side effect of the poor kitty being sick). After dealing with the mess he made, you realize that the computer room hasn't had a good, full clean for years, and your paper clutter is turning into new, sentient beings. So you move everything out of the computer room and decide you're taking a week off of writing to get this room cleaned and then everything moved back in, excluding the paper clutter that needs to be gone through, then recycled, shredded, or filed. Surely this will only take you a week. Two weeks later with that paper clutter still filling the dining room and living room, you laugh. It's a sad, miserable laugh because you've spent a decent amount of time dealing with it all, but life still decided to get in the way of better progress.

5. It's fucking cold. All you want to do is hide upstairs under the covers and hibernate. Winter sucks and needs to go away. Typing at the desktop computer freezes your hands and feet. And of course since you have Scrivener 3 on the new Macbook, it will be a headache to convert files back and forth from Scrivener on your desktop (since 3 isn't out for Windows yet), and you don't want to deal with the slow as molasses HP laptop when you have a super speedy and shiny Macbook which is ten times better. Revisions? Hahahaha.

6. You have to walk in that fucking cold 2 days a week for 2 hours each of those days (the things us parents do for our kids). And no matter how much you try to resist falling asleep in the afternoon, it's a losing battle since you're so exhausted from the cold and the walking that you nod off instead of writing.

7. Because all the proverbial shit seems to be hitting the fan, your will to even try has been depleted. To the point that it's coming up empty. I mean, every time you try, you just get more shit flung back in your face, so what's the point? It's much easier to play a game on the iPad or watch some TV to drown out the screaming coming from the inside of your own head.

***NOTE: I understand some people have it a lot worse off than I do. The above are all a bunch of little, rather annoying things. But they're all my little, rather annoying things, and it feels like a lot when it's personal. Right now, I don't have enough spoons left to think past my own personal world, so please forgive me.***

1001 Reasons Not To Clean - #16 through #20

Welcome to 1001 Reasons Not to Clean! The main goal of this series is to see if I can actually reach 1001 reasons, 5 reasons at a time (the final post, if I get there, will be 6 reasons). I'm sure I can. It's not just my crazy brain being unrealistic, right? Links to previous posts are below. And feel free to share your excuses, and they might get added to my list (with credit, of course)!

#1 through #5 ~ #6 through #10 ~ #11 through #15

❦

16. It's winter. Yes, you'd think you'd have less excuses in winter because you spend more time in the house, but the truth is the cold and gray sap your motivation and you get less cleaning done than you do during the warmer months.

17. Winter doesn't want to let go. It's fending spring off with its icy fingers. And this depresses you too much to even think about cleaning.

18. The house is too cold, so you'd rather stay in bed under your warm covers.

19. Your kids are sick. Not just sick, but plague-ridden. If you clean anything, it's just going to be smeared in germs shortly after, so why bother?

20. Your kids got you sick. OK, yes, #9 is "You're sick." But this is a different kind of sick. This is the kind of sick where not only are you trying to keep yourself alive, but you're still dealing with sick kids at the same time. And then you keep passing the sick back and forth until you kind of think being dead might be a better option than being sick all the time. Cleaning is obviously the furthest thing from your mind at this point.

Spring Fever

I'm sitting here at my computer looking outside. What is it that I see? Snow. Yup. It's March 24, and it's snowing outside. Several parts of the state I live in got nearly a foot or more of snow in the last two days. It's not that bad here, but the snow is starting to pick up, and I can't see the brownish-greenish grass anymore.

I so desperately want spring.

We had a few days of tempting sun and warmth earlier in the month. You know, Mother Nature taunting us. I'm sure I'm not the only one with cabin fever. Heck, I've also managed to catch a pretty nasty crud that one of my kids likely dragged into the house. The crud plummets my productivity.

I so desperately need spring.

Not only does the crud destroy productivity, but winter does as well. It effects me in a bad way. I'm sure I've mentioned this before.

I long for warmer days to invigorate me, to give me extra energy to stay up a bit later and get a scene written or a chapter revised. I yearn for the sun to infuse me with its heat -- after all, I am a Leo, and Leos need their sun!

The last three months have been pretty dismal. While I haven't stalled out completely (which is great), and I'm not behind on my publication schedule (thank the gods), I haven't gotten done as much as I wanted to.

Now, again, I know I'm not the only one who wants spring to finally arrive. So, I think we all need to band together and use our collective brain power to wish it into being. Let's all ask Mother Nature to be kinder to us, to pack winter away for a few months and let the sun run free!

Who's with me? Come on, now. If you want spring to show up as badly as I do, you have to be ready to try anything. So, think hard, make your will be heard, and maybe we can all make a little magic and Mother Nature will finally unleash spring upon us.

No Pranks For Me...Just On Me

I had it all planned to post a fun little April Fools' Day thing yesterday. Just something silly, like I've given up writing (hahaha - anyone who would fall for that would learn quickly I can't give up writing EVER...I'd die). But instead, the Universe decided to play a trick on me instead.

My toddler came down with some type of tummy bug. Tuesday was filled with lots of barfing and piling up of laundry that still hasn't all been washed. And Wednesday she had a fever and was super clingy. Today, she's still a bit clingy, but the fever seems to be gone, and she's at least starting to eat some solids again. So I have time to write up my post. It's sadly not April Fools' Day anymore, so no fun pranks for me.

How about a brief update instead?

2015 has been rough so far for writing. Last month I did complete some content editing work for Dingbat Publishing, but I haven't made much progress on my own writing. It seems one type of sickness or another keeps waylaying me. And not only me getting sick, but my husband and both daughters. I am ready for winter and germ season to just go away!

This month my goal is to work on several short stories. Some just need to be sent back out into slush piles, others need a quick edit first, then there's the ones that need a full revision and another critique, and of course the ones where I still have to finish the rough draft. A lot of stories in a lot of stages! I'd really like to get to the point where I can publish a few more singles and then eventually combine some together for an anthology.

Hopefully by the end of the month, I'll have made some progress. My word count meter is just a guesstimate right now. I'll be chanting "No more sickness. No more sickness," for the entire month of April.

What kind of short stories would you like to see me publish?

NEXT UP: Lavender Legacy - Ch. 5

Is Winter Over Yet?

The post title pretty much sums up my thoughts over the last month, and likely for the next month or two ahead. I HATE winter. Not only is it cold and painful to trudge through snow that people feel they shouldn't have to shovel (grrr - shovel your sidewalks!), but I have zero motivation, for anything. This unfortunately includes writing.

I have made some progress. Chapters 5 and 6 of Dead As Dreams are now revised. However, that's not a lot of progress. My to do list for writing and home grows longer and longer, and I can't keep my head above water because all I want to do is hibernate. I need spring! It has to return quickly. The stupid groundhog better be right about spring coming early, or I might make it so he can't predict anything next year.

Oy. Was that a vent? Yes, that was a vent. My apologies. *straightens head out*

But yes, I've revised a couple chapters of Dead As Dreams, but didn't do much else in January, aside from transferring all of my manuscript submissions tracking to spreadsheets (I mean, that did take a while, but it was busy work in the end). I also found out about Duotrope going to a pay model, and I'm a bit sad about that--that was the best place to search for markets to submit my short stories. I picked through a little of my study, but that just means the books I had piled in there are now cluttering the rest of the house, and the box of papers I started to chip away at has a new home on the loveseat in the living room. Sigh. It needs to warm up, so the the heat can put a fire under my behind.

This month, I hope to at least get something done, a little progress. But until it warms up, I don't think I'll move above a snail's pace, not unless I have an actual deadline that I don't assign myself (it's amazing how imposed deadlines from other people, like when I was in school, get me going even in winter--if only I could trick myself with my own deadlines).

In other news, my 4-year-old is now writing books of her own. =D She writes squiggly lines on several pieces of paper, draws some pictures along with the lines once in a while, then has her teachers staple the papers together. She then reads me the books when she gets home. Her first series is The Five Cats of Christmas. What do you think, will she have a book published before I do? Lol.

Oh, yes, don't forget to join us at Writing Quest - February, if you're interested! How is everyone else dealing with the winter weather? Having any motivation issues? Just want to pull the covers over your head and sleep until it's warmer out? If so, I sympathize!

NEXT UP: Lavender Legacy--Chapter 2 (Will likely be posted on the 20th...sorry for skipping a week!) - The Best Laid Plans....

Crazy Necro Antics, Second Edition - Winter!

The necromancer is a playable character class in Everquest, also called necro for short. Necros have an ability called feign death--some nicknames for this ability are FD and flopping. This series will highlight some funny instances of feign death. You do not need to be an Everquest player or even a gamer to laugh at these antics. Happy giggles!

Last time Morrigann showed us how fun summer can be for a necromancer. Well, winter is even more of a blast! It's not wise to go for a swim in winter, especially when the river is covered with ice! Oh no, poor Morrigann looks like she didn't make it out, and she was so close. Is she still alive? Will someone rescue her?

Phew. It looks like she made it out. Perhaps her pet dragged her to safety--they may look like bones or shades, but those necro pets are strong! Wait, is she moving at all? She better get inside where it's warm, or she's going to become a necrosicle. Poor thing.

Looks like she finally did make it inside, but she's in an ice cavern! That's no help. The indigenous spiders saw her as a hostile creature. Eek! Better flop before she gets eaten. But be careful, those ledges are slippery. She may just fall off, and those darn spiders don't want to leave her alone.

Back outside. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! What a perfect time to make a snow angel...face first.... Necros are weird ones! Oh look, there's a mammoth in the distance.

Go, go undead polar bear army! Kill the beast! Because, um, Morrigann's health is dropping. Er, come on polar bears, you're supposed to kill the thing. Ack, Morrigann is going to have to flop if she wants to survive this one.

And so she flopped. Wait, you don't see her? Take a look at the left side of the picture. Yes, near the mammoth's backside. See her there? Squished under the gigantic mammoth foot! A big strong wizard had to come rescue Morrigann, but she survived.

And Morrigann finally made it into the warm guild hall. But after all the snowy antics, she drank a bit too much eggnog and flopped into the Frostfell tree! I think this necro has had enough of winter. =)

If you have any suggestions and silly antics you'd like to see, please post in the comments! It's possible your chosen antic(s) may be used in an upcoming post. All requests will be attributed in the post with a link back to the requester's blog (so include your blog link as well if I don't know it).

NEXT UP: Sookie Vs. Sookie - comparison of the characters in Dead Until Dark and True Blood.